A Couples checklist for a successful marriage or relationship
Here are 10 tips to make your relationship flourish
You can make your relationship work. It may be hard work but understanding why it could fail and making a concerted effort to work on the things that potentially cause it to fail is the key among other things that can help make your relationship stronger and long-lasting. Believe it or not, great marriages/relationships do not just happen. Couples must put in effort and time to reap and enjoy the benefits of the relationship. Relationships are like investments, if you do not put capital and time into any investment, you will have zero returns. The biggest challenge for many couples, is a lack of good “Communication skills” which affects couples working as a team. Nearly 99.9 % of relationship breakdowns, separations, and divorces are caused by poor communication skills. Over 20 years of my working experience, with couples of all races, nationalities, culture, and traditions, I have seen a trend that, “Relationships that flourishes have good communication skills, and relationships that goes down and burn out have poor communications.”
1. On a personal level take responsibility to make the relationship work
“It is not what your spouse can do for you, it is what you can do for your spouse” I would like to ask both of you, what can you do to make the relationship better? Think ! could be those little things that you think do not matter to your spouse can make a great deal of difference in your relationship if you take them seriously. Relationships are like two-way traffic; you give and take. Do not be a selfish person. Giving your spouse a hug, a cuddle, a kiss, small gifts, asking them how they are feeling, how was their day, remembering their birthday or anniversary, being there for them especially when they really need you most, being there in the moment, giving them full attention while they are talking to you, etc shows you care. Below are some of the hot topics that most couples struggle with. But what I find remarkable is, that when you get deep down to the root cause of these issues, you will find out either poor or lack of communication is a factor. The key to a strong, happy, harmonious lasting relationship, is the way we engage with our spouse. You can only know your spouse’s heart when they speak it out. When we communicate to our spouse, from the deepest of our hearts, especially about what we need, we show our vulnerability and the need to work out issues in collaboration. Couples work as a team, not as opponents. In every criticism, there is always a wish or unmet need, but there is a better way to express those needs.” Critism is character assassination “
2. On families and friends
The biggest mistake many couples make is to involve family members and friends in their relationship affairs. The reason why we do not involve them in our relationship is that they take on side of their loved ones. Are you a victim of this? Keep your family and friends out of your relationship. If you cannot agree on issues, compromise, and meet halfway, if not, then seek help from a therapist. I’ve seen families and friends break up great marriages and relationships. Let your families and friends mind their own business.
3. On Finances
How are you both managing family finance? Over 70% of couples struggle in this area. Some spouses are very poor money managers. The best way to overcome this issue is to let the spouse who is good with money matters manage the family finances. (Let all your earnings go to one account and from there all family expenditures will be paid) transparency and honesty is a virtue. How much does your spouse earn? Talk about money and plan wisely.
4. On household responsibilities
Do you share duties, and work as a team? Many couples struggle to share responsibilities in the house, especially if they have more than one kid. To deal with this area couple come up with a weekly / monthly Rota on sharing duties.
5. On Activities
What do you do together as a couple? date nights, evening walks, watching movies, attending church/ mosque events, etc. This helps couples to be both emotionally and physically connected. Statistics show the more activities couples do together, the better their sex life.
6. On intimacy & Sex
You can have sex without intimacy and vice versa, being emotionally connected will result in satisfaction in both. How is your sex life, and who initiates it? Anyone can initiate sex if both spouses are emotionally connected. Girl! you are beautiful and sexy, do not be ashamed of your right. It does not have to be the man that initiates sex all the time. Surprise him when he goes to the shower and has a quickie especially when kids are not at home. Unplanned sex is sweet. Sex helps couples to relax and reduces stress-related disorders. If one of the spouses has a very high sex drive, that’s fine come to an agreement on how many times you should be having sex in a day or week. Talk about it Note! Intimacy starts in the kitchen, or the lounge, women are emotionally affectionate, whereas men are physical. My man if you want cookies at night, please start being nice in the morning. Those sexy texts, touching, hugs, kisses, words of affirmation, and praises for the way she looks, make her horny, and she can’t wait to be intimate with you.
7. Communication
How are your communication skills? Definition: Communication is when a spouse expresses a need to be met, whereas the other spouse is listening attentively without interrupting them, trying to understand the need, and then both spouses work out the need in a collaboration. Couples work as a team, so any need that comes into the relationship has to be tackled in a teamwork strategy. Doing these makes the couple stronger, creates deeper bonding, and helps to build emotional strength to overcome future challenges in the relationship. I suggest you come up with a day and time may be a weekend fortnightly when you are both off work, where you will have a “Couples therapy meeting ” in couples therapy session couples became emotionally NAKED to each other. (They put their whole heart on the table).By doing this they became open, and transparent, build trust, create a deeper bond, and became more vulnerable. Remember your spouse is your best friend, lover, confidant, therapist, and your soul mate.
8. Couples Therapy sessions (Relationship evaluation weekly/Fortnightly)
In the couples therapy meetings, couples discuss these points or more depending on where they are at. Generally checking whether they are still on the same page in the relationship. 1. What is your spouse doing well? 2. What are you doing well as a couple? 3.What do you want more of? 4.What can your spouse improve on? 5.What are your desires? 6.What are your wants? 7.What are your needs? 8. What is bothering both of you? Note! there must be a follow-up on this meeting.
9. Vision / me time
Where do you want to be in the next 5 to 10 years? Do you discuss it as a couple?
10. What are the arrangements for ‘me-time’
Time out with the Girls and boys is important to a healthy relationship. Relationship needs to breath, do not choke your souse by being too much on them.
Couples can talk about any other topics which matter to them. This exercise is to make couples come to the table and start having a meaningful conversation.
The power couple ingredients:
